indiogrl's Cancer Blog
September 22, 2008
| Thinking Back | Views: 580 |
So – I have been thinking and pondering on all the different types of cancer. They are all so different, so personal, so … well, just plain bad. I remember when I was diagnosed with tonsil cancer and the docs telling me all the bad stuff that was going to happen to my throat area, having to get the feeding tube, the nasty thick spit. I remember thinking “Boy I wish I had breast cancer instead”. And I read all the blogs on this site and I realize it’s hell for each individual person no matter what kind of cancer it is.
Sometimes reading these stories makes me feel bad. I feel so badly for what we have all gone through, are going through, and what our caregivers have to go through. Who knew when we said “in sickness and in health” it would mean flushing a feeding tube twice a day? My husband was like an angel. And my daughter – who was only 8 when I was diagnosed – she tried so hard to be strong but she’s just a kid, after all.
But then sometimes reading these stories gives me hope. And that makes it worthwhile, I think.
So in another month or so I’ll have my next CT scan. You know I don’t really even get nervous about that very much anymore. What I hate the most is the IV - since the chemo my veins suck and they have to poke around a lot to get a good bleeder. But that’s such a little thing.
Work is finally slowing down a bit so maybe I’ll be able to write a bit more often. Although sometimes I wonder, since I’m really not in the thick of cancer treatments any more, is what I write actually helpful to anyone? I wish I could have done this during treatments but I was just so sick. I don’t know how you all do it.
Thanks for your support -
I find it very uplifting when those who have walked this path turn back with updates and encouraging words for those still trudging uphill in the dark.
Thanks to you
Mac
Heidi; You sound so profound and you have given me something to think about too. Some times there are no words for fear or just plain tired of fighting. Who wants this anyway? Haven’t we proven enough that we want to live, sprightly, cancer free lives? You have cerainly had a time of it and we hope here that you won’t give up on letting us help you in any way we can. Please once you have your CT scan please give us an update. You can see that step by step we walk the line with our buddies. Keep up your wonderful spirit for it is something you have control of that cancer doesn’t.
Weezie