indiogrl's Cancer Blog
August 6, 2008
| Treatments | Views: 90 |
One of the reasons I decided to do this was to get the feedback from everyone and I love it, I find it so affirming to know that I wasn’t crazy with all I was going through – thank you for the comments!
One of the things I found most shocking about my treatments was the recommendation to have a peg tube inserted into my stomach. I think that really startled me and made me realize this was truly going to be difficult. I thought about that recommendation for a weekend and decided yes, I wanted the feeding tube.
So I went in for my first chemo / radiation on July 30, 2007. My chemo was inpatient, as the drug they use for my type of cancer is very strong and is hard for your kidneys to process, so they keep you inpatient so they can juice up your kidneys before they start the chemo drip.
I was in the hospital for five days that time.
So when I came home I had started to bounce back a little. But by the time of my second chemo, the radiation was starting to take a toll. By then I was using the feeding tube exclusively. My spit had become chokingly thick. I had to carry around a roll of paper towel and a plastic cup to keep that gunk out of my mouth. Don’t you all think one of the worst things about being sick is the absolute grossness of it all?
After my second chemo I don’t remember much. I was basically sick and in bed for weeks. Just a blur. I do remember how much my family and friends tried to help but you know, there is just only so much they can do when you are feeling so bad that dying seems like a good option.
Anyway, I did get through it and eventually the treatments came to an end on September 12. The problem there is that then you are left to yourself. And you don’t really get better very quickly. The next thing that happened to me was that I was hit with a depression so deep I couldn’t dig myself out. I cried all the time. I still couldn’t eat, and I was still losing weight. I was still spitting and puking it seemed like every ten minutes. Where was the healing?????
08.16.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Dear Heidi; So sorry to hear of all the pain you endured with chemo and radiation. It sounds as if you just can’t let it go. Here we are in 2008 – August. How are you feeling now? Fill us in on your recent events. And it might help you to be a supporter to others, to try and help them too while you are going through your own troubles. Sometimes when we help each other we can feel a connection and then a thankfullness we are not alone. Just a thought. Weezie